To new beginnings

I was given a feeling, an urge, to look to the book of Job for comfort and perspective. At first I thought, my worries and stresses are nothing compared to that of Job's. And it's true, they are nothing compared to what Job went through, but I can see with clear eyes that the Holy Spirit compelled me to seek the perspective on life and struggles I was searching so hard for.

I am the type to try so hard to make a plan and perfect it and organize the details and keep things in order. When things don't go according to my plan or the way I thought things would go, like any human, I stumble. This time I pretended like everything was fine and threw myself into a pit of denial. I forced myself to be happy and let go and forget all of the unplanned happenings that steered me completely off course in my fantastic life plan. Nearly 2 years later, all of those emotions and fears are coming back full force, with what seems like a vengeance for locking them away and playing happy in front of the world. I am ready to begin anew. I'm ready to look forward. I know it's a little late to be saying all of this, and some of it has already been said before, but I believe I truly, genuinely believe every word I've written.

Trusting in Him is one of the easiest and hardest thing to do in this moment of my life. The control freak in me is afraid to let go of the reigns, but the burning desire to find the amazing journey God has in store for me is what is keeping me afloat.

I've spent quite some time being angry at God for the unhappy events that have transpired in my life and hating myself for knowing that God has a greater plan than I can ever imagine in store for me and still being angry at Him.

Like Job 5:18 says, for he wounds, but he also binds up and he injures but his hands also heal. I'm ready for His healing hands, and I'm waiting for these wounds to be bound up by Him.

Counting down the days,

A